LeeCash.net Will write for food

Day 24 – 26; Auckland: “Come with me please, sir.”By Lee

The plane journey from Fiji to Auckland has not gone according to plan. My plan that is. In my ideal world people are swift (people who drive under the speed limit are not permitted in my world), considerate (if someone is waiting for me to finish choosing a muffin, I will let them go ahead of me while I deliberate and then go back to the queue when I’m ready) and control their children. The last point is going to set a lot of eyes rolling. Yes, I don’t have children so, no – I don’t know how difficult it is to keep a leash on the blighters.

But you know what I do know? Controlling them in a confined space where movement is restricted, urination requires queuing for the privilege and, depending on the gung-ho attitude of the guy up front piloting the bastard, will be up and down willy-nilly, is impossible.

Tags: auckland, black beach, tanuki

The Time Traveller’s LifeBy Lee

The flight from Honolulu to Auckland, New Zealand is divided by a short layover in Fiji. Incongruously, the flight time between the two islands is in the region of 26 hours, which of course is accurate, if we were travelling by speed-boat.

The inflated flight time is, obviously, distorted by the fact that, somewhere at 30,000 feet and over 600kph, we cross over the International Date Line, deprived of the entire day we’ve previously stolen by constantly chasing the sun westwards.

Flight time is actually about six hours, but with the jolting effect of at one point being behind home in terms of time to now being somewhere in its near future, it’s perplexing and a tad off-putting. Everything becomes relative when the universe is viewed, not from a fixed point in time, but a constantly changing one.

Tags: Fiji, International Date Line, Time travel

Day 18 – 23 : Hawaii – “Think of every natural disaster possible. We’ve got it.”By Lee

We board at Vancouver, fly south to LAX and endure a four hour lay-over. Sheila tries to sleep (on the floor) and I amuse myself by staring at a Sony kiosk machine and its thorough service-man as he phlegmatically restocks earphones and eReaders into its esurient guts. (Yes, you can buy an eReader from a machine in LAX).

After the morning’s stunt escapades, and a non-stop barrage of poor food choices, I feel like death. Thankfully the flight is another uneventful affair and we land in Honolulu without incident. At least, I don’t throw myself down any stairs between the plane and the baggage claim area which is always a bonus.

Tags: hawaii, oahu, Trip, volcano

How to fall down a flight of stairs and liveBy Lee

An amazing thing happens to the human body when you throw it down a flight of stairs.

First up, it’s important to remember a key point: human thought, electric impulses firing in arcane arcs down elaborate neural pathways indecipherable to pretty much everyone on the planet, is faster than you can imagine. In the fraction of a second between the fearful realisation that you are in fact falling and going over completely, a multitude of possibilities are evaluated, outcomes weighed and likely discarded, contributing to the phenomenon of “time slowing down.” Obviously time doesn’t slow down, time is a constant, it’s just that, in that rarest of moments when primordial instinct takes over and you’re no longer in the bosom of the 21st century with its iPods and hybrid cars, survival mode kicks in, bombarding your brain with so much information that the external world is broken down into isolated facets. Snippets capable of being viewed piece-meal.

Tags: accident, Trip, Vancouver

Day 16 – 17 : Vancouver – “Today is my birthday.”By Lee

The flight from Toronto to Vancouver is unremarkable. I say this purely because, sitting here in New Zealand trying to recall it brings up a blank, so it must have been event free. We touchdown late in the evening and within 15 minutes we’ve been accosted by one of Vancouver’s legendary homeless elite.

There are numerous rumours as to why Vancouver has a homeless problem. The most fanciful tall tale (and hence probably specious to say the least) is that the city shut down its mental asylums and ushered the ex-inmates out on to the streets like spent barflies into the night without a care in the world. I can’t confirm this juicy rumour, but I can say from witnessing the glassed-over stares and demented gaits of some of the mendicants I encounter – it sure does seem plausible.

Tags: Trip, Vancouver